Wedding Etiquette Advice – Some Common Questions and Scenarios in Wedding Guest Etiquette
Wedding guest etiquette addressed and employed in different very common scenarios.
Lack of details on RSVP
Q: Invitation comes with no RSVP Card? No deadline and such. A simple “RSVP” at the bottom.
A: Use your own note card and rsvp to the returning address immediately. Use the similar style to how it was addressed to you.
Mr and Mrs Colin Tan accept with pleasure the kind invitation of the wedding of Mr J.King and Miss L.Bell for Saturday, Nineteen December 2009 at Seven-thirty in the evening.
Inviting the attendants
Q: Should you send invitations to the wedding attendants? E.g. Your bridesmaids, maid of honour, groomsmen etc
A: Send the invitations per usual
Proper Wedding Etiquette On Wedding Invitations
The rule is that wedding guests may only be invited by name and not adding “Plus one” or “And Guest”, or “parents”, “family”, etc etc
It is not good wedding guest etiquette. It seems that the hosts do not bother to find out who these guests are. In every case, there is always someone you can ask.
Refrain from using “And guest” because it depicts, “oh just anyone”.
Can I Bring a Friend? – improper wedding guest etiquette
It is outrageous for wedding guests to expect to be able to bring casual dates to such a momentous occasion as a wedding.
Q:What do you say if a guest asks to bring a friend?
A:”I’m so sorry, but we’re only asking people we know to our wedding, but we’d be delighted to meet him on another occasion.
I guess that is no then?
Wedding guests may not bring along their own, uninvited guests!
Declining a Wedding Invitation
There are many reasons to why people decline your invitation wedding. Some of which they feel guilty about, some not. Whatever it is, there is no reason to go further to divulge the details or solicit explanations.
A simple decline expressed “regretfully” followed by “wishing both of you the most happiness” is sufficient as for wedding guest etiquette goes.
Not attending the wedding ceremony based on religious reasons
“Attending a wedding ceremony is not an expression of one’s own religion, nor an endorsement of anyone else.” – Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette
It is as good as making the bridal couple feel, “If you don’t care about us, don’t bother to attend.”
Not attending because you don’t like weddings
Simple as it is. Do not offer explanations. Similarly, “regretfully” decline the invitation and offer your wishes for their happiness. If they matter to you, send a very good gift.
However, DO NOT, base your decision to go to the wedding on your feelings that day, your mood, whether there is a good show on television etc. ASSUMING you have already RSVP-ed to the event.
If unfortunately your wife/mother has rsvp-ed on your behalf, you have to go and work out your issues with your wife/mother later. It is not fair to for the bridal couple to bear the consequences of added expenses, empty chair because of your wavering integrity.
An Sad Story I read
(in Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette)
This couple writes about how they spent months and thousand of dollars on planning a wedding. They thought they had the head count about 150 according to the RSVPs.
The usual.. mothers/wives rsvp-ed for the entire family unfortunately but they discovered that many husbands and children “do not like to go to weddings”. Thus, out of the 150 expected guests, only 40 showed up.
She writes, “what hurt was the emotional devastation we felt when we stood to walk down the aisle of a church that was empty except for two rows. It was the same feeling when we entered a large reception hall with place settings for 150 people but found only 30 people. ”
She wanted Miss Manners to use her example to illustrate how other people’s inconsiderate actions regarding weddings not theirs can affect others.
She concludes that “This is what happens when people decide not to go to a wedding or think that sending one representative of the family is sufficient to satisfy any social obligation they may feel.”
A sad empty wedding reception hall
It was really sad and I feel for this poor bride.
Miss manners responded by saying she knows this is where we would end up once people started regarding social invitations as negotiable, transferable, and non binding.
Important! Keep your word! Come rain or shine. I cannot stress this more.
This whole act of canceling at the last minute only shows weakness of character, selfishness and unreliability.
Only One Spouse Can Attend ?
Scenario: A couple gets invited to the wedding event. Husband can’t make it. So wife asks another friend to go.
Wedding Guest etiquette?
Now that is plain rude because the invitation states Mr and Mrs So and So, not Mrs So and Random friend.
In my opinion, Mrs So should attend the wedding herself. She should not even try to ask if she could bring a friend in place of her husband.
If I were Mrs So’s random friend, I would decline immediately and gently inform her that such actions are inconsiderate of her friend getting married.
If you are the random guest, even if you know the wedding couple briefly, you are not invited to the event, if you were, you would have received an invitation.
An invite is not like a movie ticket.
Wedding invitations are not transferable like movie tickets.
It is not fair to the bridal couples to popular their weddings with replacements.
Miss Manners says “Had the bride wished to invite you to the wedding, she would have done so. ” – Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette
Common Rudeness Asked At Weddings
These questions and topics are inappropriate at any time.
Our faces inside when we are asked these questions.
“When are you getting married?”
“When is your turn?”
“When are the kids coming?”
“Are you seeing anyone special?”
“How is your love life?”
“How serious are you about xxx?”
Be a guest with impeccable wedding guest etiquette and avoid asking these questions.
When asked, realize it is pointless to be outraged by their lack of manners. Simply smile and say, “I’ll let you know.”, change the topic or excuse yourself to get a drink.