Elegant Woman in a Relationship

(On a side note, I believe being in a relationship with the right one, shouldn't be that hard. It shouldn't be too much work.)

Relationships all go in stages.

Sometimes the 'honeymoon' comes first, other times, it comes later. You'll go through getting to know each other, the joy of discovering similarities, unveiling secrets, meeting yours or his friends, integrating your lives, meeting the family, having your first fight, having your first issue, overcoming them, having the dust settle as you guys learn to get along and enjoy the company...

In the early stages of the dating relationship, don't bring up anything intense.

Be attentive and be a good listener.

Be happy all the time.

Try not to unload all your problems on him. If possible, try not to talk about it at all. If he really wanted to talk about it, he will find a way to draw it out of you.

It is not to your advantage to be too serious, controlling or wifey. Or to put him in the pressure seat by telling him that he's the first man to treat you with respect. Or by mentioning marriage, kids and future. Those are for him to bring up. Or cause alarm in his head by telling him how messy your life is.

Tip I know it is very hard but its best not to ask about his past relationships. It's none of your business. If you really want to know, try to be rather indirect and steer the conversation such that he offers the information. Although, I still stand by the principle of moving on.

Men have a natural sense of pride that is very different to women. So try to be modest about your accomplishments and steer the conversation back to his accomplishments. Try to let him shine.

Remember you don't have to keep these things to yourself for ever. This is to done to pace the relationship in a way best to your advantage.

Eventually, you'll relax, be in the right frame of mind and it will be the right time to open up, and become more yourself.

Opening up too soon overwhelms men. This idea of opening up is a very 'girlfriend' thing i.e. that is how women establish friendships and get to know each other. Put two friendly, warm-hearted women together on a train next to each other, get them talking and they will become bestfriends in two hours!

Women are conditioned by girlfriends to open up too soon. If you think about it, it is rather selfish and inconsiderate to burden people with our whole lives.

# A Caution #Don't tell him anything you will regret. Some men like to pry secrets out of women. Women sometimes reveal more than they really care to...afterwards they feel naked and cheated.

Better to smile when asked a question that is too personal and say, "Oh, I'd rather not talk about that right now."

Don't push yourself into his life. Sometimes distance and time can make a man realize he's made the biggest mistake of his life.

Don't add pressure by buying him expensive gifts. Save your money.

Don't meddle into his affairs like try to patch up things with his estranged parents.

This is a similar paragraph on pacing from "When He calls" page but I feel it is very important so I will include it here:

The importance of pacing

If you really see a future with someone and only started dating, I suggest you exercise discipline in pacing the relationship.

Especially if you are over 30, there is a good chance that you have been on a number of dates.

You have become a dating veteran, and are tempted to skip the 'courtship' part. You may readily meet a man within 5 hours notice for a date etc. Within 2 weeks, you are almost at the stage where both of you decide whether or not to start a relationship. Many of these times, you've already heard about all the intimate details of his lives, and might even become intimate with him.

I strongly discourage this and encourage pacing.

It works to your favour when you space the dates out from once a week to once a fortnight, instead of 3-4 times a week. Too much too soon may have a "crash and burn" effect because both parties have different expectations. Too far apart makes you forget the person or maybe because you do not have enough chemistry to want to see the person sooner.

Even if Mr Right wants to see you sooner, and you want too as well, its best to exercise a little self control, especially if you foresee this relationship to be a potential one leading up to marriage.

As unfair as it sounds, the responsibility of pacing falls into a woman's hands.

If on the opposite scenario, when a man takes too long to commit, I usually suggest that you forget about him, and start going out with other people. There are ways to create an urgency to commit, as manipulative as it sounds, it is a true test to his interest, as well as not wasting your time, hanging around him, being available for him - that is true desperation.

I am sad to say this, but that guy has already taken you for granted and you have allowed him to. Stop that today and value your time, your life. By doing so, he will treasure you so much more, if he gets your kindness of a second chance again.

It is true that guys are wired for competition. When its all too easy, he makes excuses by saying he needs to focus on his career, his work, he doesn't have the time. Do him a favour and just don't be too available at his every whim.

If your goal is to marry him, practice this with extra diligence. Men must be conditioned to feel that if they want to see you seven days a week, they'll have to marry you. And until that blessed proposal occurs, you must practice saying no to extra dates.

Generally, when a man loves you, he just wants to give you things.

When you do receive gifts, don't over react by gushing and repeating yourself. Just express childlike delight and sincerity. It makes him feel warm inside.

A man who is love with you and hopes to marry you won't be put off if you choose to only see him once a week. Only men who are just with you for fun are likely to get angry or impatient.

**** Exceptions ****

The Good Days And The Bad

On bad days, try to remember all the sweet things he has done for you. Leave him alone if he wishes to be left alone.

It is important to remain calm and not be dramatic. Do not let your episode escalate to one that is fit to go on Jerry Springer.

Never ever say things like, "I wish I had never met you!" or "I should have married someone else."

Never raise your voice or scream. Look away instead of glaring angrily.

If you wish for some help, ask nicely in a childlike, innocent way. If he doesn't budge. Just leave him to it and perhaps make it obvious if he doesn't help, it will be a re-occurring problem or it will probably be a bad job. Don't hold him back from doing something he really wants to do. Support him. He should always feel free. He should not think of you as the kind of person who wouldn't want him to be happy because it means not being with you (say if he wanted to have a guys night).

Be hard to get but easy to be with.

Ignore him when he says things to irk you or make you nervous. Stay calm.

Don't let him know that you are afraid to be alone.

Engage in your personal development so that you can talk to your life partner about things other than work issues and dirty diapers. Men want wives who can fulfill them mentally as well as physically and emotionally.

The less you do physically, the better. The less you do, the less you'll have to regret. If you are getting too excited, end the date quickly so you don't do anything you'll regret.

Eventually you may have to set some boundaries by perhaps signaling no by your actions otherwise saying it loud and clear.

Set boundaries mentally.

Making him wait will only increase his respect for you, your value, and his desire for you.

If a man pressures you, then he's not someone you want to date. Remember pressure can be hidden under "assurance".

Here are some tips on having an insight to what goes on in a man's head...

When he calls....

Click here to see tips on being on a date.

Click here to see what to do before the date

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Click here to go back dating tastefully

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