How To Be An Elegant Social Butterfly!
Grace your way through any party with elegant communication.
As you increase in elegance, you probably will get invited to more parties and events. Being elegant socially “is always about other people”, isn’t it? The greater you grow in confidence, you might want to reciprocate
all those social invitations and host some of these parties your own. But let’s first start with the basics!
The most important to gaining social confidence is to believe that we are no different from one another, not better, not worse, regardless of outward appearances etc.
At any social event, your ‘goal’ is to make someone else comfortable with your company. You can do so with a respectful, non intrusive, light-hearted friendliness when speaking with someone.
Start with warm greetings, talk about light hearted, positive topics like the food or the weather, how lovely the decor is. Stay away heavy conversational topics such work, ‘what do you do?’, money, politics and religion. Don’t hog someone’s time. Move to find a new person to talk to after about five minutes.
Women bond too quickly and sometimes reveal too much when speaking more than 10 minutes.
Social Tips: When Invited To A Party
This means you notify your host as soon as possible whether or not you can make it. We often make the mistake to decide on whether to attend at the very last minute.
Rsvp-ing early is an act of kindness because we give more time for our host to prepare.
Don’t cancel on a whim.
Having thrown several parties myself, I find this very distasteful: last minute cancellations.
I’ve toiled, prepared, spent money to throw this party. That’s why I can’t help but feel disappointed for last minute cancellations, sometimes hours into the party. Especially when they are for really lousy excuses.
Those who don’t cancel at the last minute or worse still, is a no show, may think the party is too big, and it wouldn’t make a difference or that the host probably would not even know that they weren’t there but it isn’t. Most people remember.
I find this pattern of not-rsvp-ing and last minute cancellations more common in this modern day when we have more technology to communicate with one another. It is appalling.
Bring a gift.
It is an elegant touch to bring a gift.
Use your own discretion on whether to bring a gift. You may sometimes ask, “Can I bring anything?” And bring it when your hosts requests, “Oh, some ice cream would be nice.”
Personally I’d always try to bring something. Some chocolates, flowers, a scented candle.
Adhere to the Dress-code
Check what is appropriate to wear to the party.
Is the party a fine dining event? Dress up in your favorite classic gown.
Is it a cocktail party? Pull out that little black dress.
Sometimes there may not be a dress-code but think about what the event is.
Is it a dinner party? Is it a beach side picnic? Is it to watch the finale of the Olympics?
I’d find it insulting when people ignore the dress code or do not make an effort to dress up for the party.
When You Arrive at the Party
- Greet everyone with your biggest smile at a dinner party, or find the host first to greet her.
- Introduce yourself, if the host is too busy to introduce you.
- Keep conversations light-hearted and happy.
- Be discrete when exchanging contacts.
- Do not ask intrusive or potentially intrusive questions!
- Praise the host in conversations.
- Mingle, do not linger too long in one person’s party.
- Do not talk about work, your problems, dreams or aspirations. Unless it’s not intense like, “I would love to go to Greece!”, “Its my dream to one day ski in Whistler.” Do not do
- business or make business contacts at a party! Click the link to know how to do so discretely.
- Do not arrive late and do not leave too early or too late.
- Find the host again and thank her before you leave.
Social Greetings – and what if we don’t know anyone?
We are often nervous when being invited to a party, especially if we do not know anyone. It helps if we arrive smiling, well-dressed and have brought a gift. Also remember to ask light hearted questions and listen! Float around and do not linger in conversation. You’ll get better in practice.
Here are some pointers (below) on how to become comfortable at a party. See also Party Etiquette
Social Tip: What To Do When You Are Intimidated
What To Do When You Feel Intimidated or When you Meet Snobs!
Sometimes we meet people at the party that we are intimidated by.
Here is what to do when you are intimidated.
When you feel intimidated, focus on some of the similarities that you have. Achieve common ground. If you don’t think you have any, speak about a general subject. A recent movie, food, chocolate etc.
“Did you watch the movie, Slumdog Millionaire?”
“Did you hear about the new shopping mall?”
If the person is not very responsive and has a bored look, say “It was nice meeting you and move on.”
Don’t Take It Personally!
Just as we will not like everyone we meet, some people we meet will not like us. Let’s move on!
When someone intentionally intimidates you
When somebody intentionally intimidate, or snub you, the best response is to hold your head high and ignore her.
Don’t even bother to be rude. Because that is giving her/him attention! If she tries talking to you, simply answer and then excuse yourself, laugh, have a great time with other people at the party.
Most of these people secretly want attention. They want to put down others to make themselves feel better. We respect ourselves too much to give in to their whims. We will be gracious despite their bad behavior.
How to Be An Interesting Guest
Remember it’s not about you. Be interested in others. See Audrey Hepburn Quotes on Life.
Pursue your interests, passion. Be interested in the world outside of yourself. See Sophisticated Elegant Women.