An Elegant Independence

Men find a certain independence of women very alluring and feminine. This is the opposite of clingy-ness or neediness.

Being clingy or needy is not attractive nor is it elegant.

This is also not the type of independence that is feminist in nature.

It is best to illustrate with a few examples.

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Ways To Achieve This Independence

Act independent. Always be coming and going. Don’t sit on the couch waiting for him to come home.

Don’t bore him with details about your day or your aches or pains.

Make lots of plans. Go to the movies, shopping. Just go! That will make him desperate to catch a minute of your time. Strange as it is but men seem to prefer chasing women who are busy.

Take up a hobby. Or several! You’ll get more attention from him if you get even busier than he is.

Take up dance lessons or join a ballet class. Keep in shape!

By being busy, you will acquire a sort of feminine independence. Although, don’t be too busy that you are always in a hurry, breathless or rushing around. Or that you start to neglect your appearance, or your poise of calm walk and talk. Never ever rush or be in a hurry.

Caution that you do not become too busy that it becomes too hard to secure a date with you – he might interpret your busyness as a kind indirect rejection of him.

If you have been dating him for a while, don’t hit him with every crisis the minute he walks in the door. Remember he works hard all day.


Let’s say you’ve cooked him his favorite meal but he calls at the last minute to say he has to work late and you should eat without him.

You’re mad but you want to protest, “But I cooked a special meal for you!” Instead, take a deep breath and say something sweet like, “You’ve been really working hard lately. I’m so proud of you”.

Then promise him a backrub when he gets home.

Don’t tell him how disappointed you are and turn into a nag. Remember he’s working long hours for the both of you!

End of Example

Guys are also wired to not want to be told want to do.

Say you have a thing for receiving flowers. No matter how you hint, he may not want to do it willingly. Even if it does it, it destroys the purpose. Don’t win this battle and lose the war. Be cool and casual about it. Hinting isn’t very elegant. Just buy yourself the flowers and celebrate with a friend. Don’t expect him to fulfill every romantic fantasy before you can be happy.


Spend your money wisely on manicures and on some pretty clothes.

Wear make up!

If you have a crush, don’t talk to him first. Be reserved and slightly mysterious. Let him notice you.

Always be out, mingling, not indoors, worrying. Go to the beach, the movies, to parties not in your room dwelling on your flaws.

Walk erect as if you were balancing a book on your head.

Look directly in front of you and seem self-contained.

Don’t drink beers, sip cocktails.

Act confident even if you don’t feel like it.

Go to your school of choice. Do not make an important decision based on him (yet). If he wants to see you, let him travel to meet you. Let him call and write you. Unless you’re engaged, date others.

Don’t spend every weekend with the same guy (unless you are about to be married), same people etc. And I don’t mean you necessarily have to see guys who are interested in you. Make a few new friends. Inject some variety, its good for you in every sense of the word.

Don’t stalk him! Either he has noticed you or not.

Don’t do silly things like talk to his bestfriend to find out how he feels about you or become bestfriends with his buddies. Don’t waste your time. No one can make him like you.

Men are not attracted to women who dress like men – sporty or grungy.Continue reading fashion magazines.

Read the bible, go to church, serve in church. Men, no matter how pagan their lifestyles may be, always want their wives to be of a more noble character than they, somewhat like an angel.

Have a sense of noble, moral character, high in ethics and compassion for people or the poor and suffering. Have such a spiritual health that it becomes what you think and do.

Read many books for personal knowledge and inspiration. Read about anything that interests you. Equip yourself with knowledge of His word and applications.

If you have a crush, keep it to yourself. Don’t tell a single soul.

If you have a crush on someone, while being in a relationship with him and you know its just a silly crush. Also, don’t tell a single soul! Don’t feed its attraction unless its something more than a silly crush. You’ll won’t regret it.

Here are some tips on having an insight to what goes on in a man’s head…

When he calls….

Click here to see tips on being on a date.

Click here to see what to do before the date

Click here to read about Elegant Woman in a Relationship

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Click here to go back dating tastefully

If You Get The Feeling You Are Rejected

It is never easy to get over someone. Allow yourself a week to mope or cry, then wear a great dress, flattering make up and go out and socialize socialize socialize. You may not want to, but with others, it’s alot easier to fool your heart when you distract yourself by meeting people. Faking it eventually becomes real. You will get over him. Nothing is better for cushioning the blow than the adoring attention of other men.

Read my personal blog entry about How to fix a broken heart.

Whatever you do, don’t lose yourself over this man. Have the highest respect for yourself. Hold your head up high, breathe and be gracious. Don’t go around slandering him or email revenge pictures to his boss and colleagues.

Be firm when its over. Hang on to your dignity and find refuge in your close friends later.

When it’s over, don’t call him, don’t talk to his friends about it, and don’t try to be buddies.

There is somebody better out there for you. In the meantime, lining up dates is the best thing to do and the best revenge.

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