Uninvited Guests - Frustrated at Organizing Dinner Parties

by Marie
(USA)

Dear Miss Manners,

I just want to clarify that I am not the "bad person" here. I recently held a small family dinner party for my husband's birthday. I invited his mother, his brother (single), his sister (her husband and 2 children). I few days before the event, my sis-in-law informed me that the brother was bringing his girlfriend (o.k with me) and her 23 yr old son (not sure why-never met him). I was a little miffed but didn't say anything. My mother-in-law then decided she was not coming to her own son's party because a church event was more important. I was a little mad about that and relayed my opinion to the sis-in-law.

She then texted me an hour before the party verifying who was coming which she included my nephew's (19yrs old) friend. When I responded that I really wanted it to be a family dinner she went on and on about how this kid is family because my nephew and him had been friends for 6 years. I explained to her that this is different-this is not "Joe's" house(not real name) and we don't really know the friend. She went on to have a total attitude with me and tried to argue with me. I feel that it is my home, I am the hostess, and I should be able to invite who I want and no one should dictate to me who is "crashing" my party.

She has done this before in the past.

She made me feel like a was the "bad person" (nice term) for not allowing the friend to attend. I really didn't want the girlfriends son here either. My nephew was mad and decided not to attend.
How do I hand this going forward? I am so angry that this has spoiled my desire to have nice dinner parties for our children's upcoming birthdays this year.