Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette Part Two

wedding as academy awards?

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette’s

Terrible Idea – The Wedding as My Day

Maybe the idea of the wedding as being “my” day isn’t that great after all.

“Wisdom apparently often deserts even the most levelheaded people when it comes to their own weddings.”- Miss Manners.

Some people constantly use this excuse to act like a brat, to boss people around, go berserk with tempers when they don’t get their way, or when they wish to make choices based on selfish reasons.

You can hear them in these opening statements:

“After all, we are the ones paying for the wedding…”

“It is our big day…”

“Well, we are the ones getting married…”

“It’s our wedding, so we should…”

So maybe the idea of the “Wedding as My Day” should not be the mindset if it is subject to be abused.

Other considerations of Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

We sometimes forget that the parent-child relationship is not a financial agreement.

Couples cannot demand sponsorship and neither should they do as they please without consideration of parents, just because they are paying for their wedding.

One shouldn’t assume anything on both sides and any sponsorship should be offered. This whole “assumption” business creates annoyances around the world. More about it in my article in Bad Manners .

It is better to have open communication, even direct questions that may make someone uncomfortable is better than unsolicited assumptions and pent-up frustration.

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

We Sometimes Forget


Guests should be the ones to come up with idea of wedding presents.

Guests should be treated hospitably because they stopped their life, took the time out and made the effort to come to your wedding.

No matter whether you like these guests or not or the other way round, the wrong attitude is to say “we’re having the foods we like, instead of we’re having the special treats we think everyone will enjoy.”

A wedding is not an opportunity to boss people around, no matter even if it is your day.

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

Planning ‘My’ Day!

as if getting married, of all things, gave one the right to suspend normal consideration of others.

do not ask someone to shave off a beard, or grow hair, dye their hair back etc.

The only thing you can do is to issue the dress code.

wedding attendants are chosen for their friendship, not their beauty, do not ask them to lose weight, etc.

Take them to a facial, nail salon, a spa for a full body treatment if it oh-so-bothers you.

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

Wedding as Show Business

Another vulgar example where people forget their wedding manners is when some people using their “day” like running it like a show business.

No doubt it is a day to get creative, as Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette says “…the perpetrators fail to understand the difference between making an occasion enjoyable and making a significant event into a mockery.”

black bridesmaid gowns
Black gowns for your bridesmaids? Hmmm.

That is, secret fantasies should remain fantasies. We must apply discernment to whether we are going distastefully over the top in our planning, decoration, theme etc. There is a way to go “over the top” without compromising on elegance.

Traditionally, weddings happened when people got married by putting on the best clothes they already had, and going with a few similarly attired friends and relatives to their regular place of worship, where they followed a solemn and traditional ritual set by their religion.

old wedding photo in the 50s

Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

Wedding as Academy Awards

Are several modern weddings copying the academy awards ceremony?

wedding as academy awards?
source: orbitcast.com

Abridged Version from Miss Manners Wedding Etiquette

The similarities:

  1. Outrageous outfits from someone wearing a clubbing attire to jeans and the rest of those who heeded the wedding dress code.

  2. ingredients: the red carpet for grand entrances,
  3. on-the-spot opinions solicited by bystanders,
  4. a patter of jokes and teasing from one or more masters of ceremonies,
  5. introductions of participants summarizing their biographies,
  6. rehearsed outpourings of gratitude
  7. acknowledgement of sponsors
  8. and at least one impassionate plea on behalf of someone’s favorite cause.

I’ve had that once before …it was my first time encountering this plea. I remember thinking that communicated to the whole room of his own self importance when he made that speech. It did seem pretentious.

The exception of it would be that if the bride and groom are passionate about a cause and spend days volunteering, giving, promoting, I suppose that plea would come across genuine and be genuinely accepted.

Thank you for reading this page!

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