Comments for Lack of reciprocity

Comments for
Lack of reciprocity

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 08, 2010
Rating

Rephrasing (and a question)
by: Rachel

I'm very sorry if I offended you, Patricia. That was not my intent. Looking back over my post, I can see that I didn't phrase things very well. Please accept my apologies. It's so hard to communicate without misunderstanding over the internet!

I don't know the situation, obviously, but is it possible that some of the people would like to invite you, but can't, for various reasons? E.g. size of the dinner party (they feel they have to invite certain people, but adding another couple would make it too crowded), time (they feel their event would be too far away to ask you to drive), etc.

I realize that those might very well have nothing to do with it, but you might try thinking of what reasons they could have.

I wish that I could give better advice. I'm not very wise in social matters, you see. *smile*

Before I end my rambling post, may I ask you a question? Are you a Christian? Because that has direct bearing on not only how you will handle the situation, but also how other people might advise you.

May God bless you. :)

Jan 07, 2010
Rating

Tired of always being the giver
by: P.R.

Rachel,

We've been focused on others over all these many years of inviting them to our home or cottage - planning pleasant evenings or weekends, buying good food and preparing nice meals, making our surroundings as comfortable as possible.

We didn't expect them to reciprocate every time or in similar manner. We haven't been keeping some kind of social ledger book.

However, after five or 10 years of this being a one-way street, it hurts that some of these people never ask us back, even for a glass of wine, or include us in other social events they're organizing.

Contrary to your comments, it seems to me that they are the selfish ones, always taking but never giving back.

Jan 07, 2010
Rating

Different Perspective
by: Rachel

I understand your predicament, and I'm sorry that your friends seem to be leaving you out.

However, I must say that it sounds like you are looking at this situation the wrong way. Your motive for having events and inviting people to these events should not be simply to get invited to their events in turn. The purpose of inviting someone to a party is to serve and bless THEM. If you can do that, then you will be satisfied no matter whether they return that favour or not.

It depends on whether you focus on yourself, or on others. If you only think of yourself, then by all means, be offended. But if you focus on the other people, then it won't matter to you, and you'll be able to forgive any slight offense they give by neglecting to invite you.

I'm sorry if that sounded harsh; I'm not thinking how to articulate very clearly this morning. :) God bless you!

Dec 18, 2009
Rating

Stop Inviting Them
by: Anonymous

In reading your post, you sound like lovely people. It's always nice to have friends who will return the invitation to their get-togethers but if they have left you out several times, I think I would refrain from extending any more invites to them, as well. See what happens.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lack of reciprocity

Monthly Lessons

In this monthly email, I write about my latest discoveries about my study of elegance.

Twitter

follow me on Twitter

The Book

Secrets of Elegance - 10 Basic Steps secrets of elegance book

E-book
Paperback

The Elegant Woman

Advertising Enquiries

Advertising Opportunities Advertisements keep the site free. It pays for the running and building costs of elegantwoman.org I have a monthly readership of 30,000 strong reading 90,000 pages and growing.

Our words reveal our refinements; they tell the discerning listener of the company we have kept; they are the hallmarks of education and culture. - Dale Carnegie

I recognize but one mental acquisition as a necessary part of the education of a lady or gentleman, namely, an accurate and refined use of the mother tongue. - Dr Charles W. Eliot