How do I build an Elegant self-confidence?

by Maria

Dear Eunice,

First of all, I would like to thank you for all the help you gave me with the precious teachings that you wrote on elegantwoman.org.

I´m in a somehow complicated period of my life, so I decided to reread your article entitled "elegant self-confidence - how to be confident", which I appreciated very much :)

However, a doubt came up after I read the article and I think maybe you could help me with it.

I'm a biochemistry student and this is my second year at university. Things can't be a bed of roses all the time and since I left highschool I haven't achieved great academic success.

Sometimes I just feel very frustrated because I really make an effort to be a good student... I've been educated for excellence and this lack of success often makes me think "Oh God, I´m really worthless!!". I am worried because I feel that if I don't do anything to change the way I think of myself, this horrible idea will just get deeper in my mind.

So my question is, how can I have an elegant self confidence even when I am so far from reaching my professional expectations?

Thank you so much for you time, attention and help :)

love,

Maria

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Jun 07, 2011

Thank you so much for helping
by: Maria

Dear Eunice and Kelley,

Thank you so much for answering! Both your comments helped me a lot and I think I'm truly improving on building my elegant self-confidence. I feel so much happier than before and so much more secure of myself. You did make a difference. Thank you!

Love,

Maria

Jun 06, 2011

powerful self confidence
by: Anonymous

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Jun 02, 2011

Elegant self-confidence
by: Kelley

Maria (and Eunice),
I struggled for many years to find an elegant self-confidence. Then i had a friend, Amy, who helped me see that (what i now see as "elegant") self-confidence comes from understanding what **I** think about a specific action or situation and that when i don't know, i can imagine looking back on it and what i want to see. This was tremendously helpful for me in areas like my profession or academia, etc, because what i often THOUGHT was MY desire, was really my trying to live up to what i thought was someone else's expectations. You'll know if you're doing this, if, when you ask yourself what you think, you hear in your head something like "But people will think... (I'm a bad cook, i'm not trying hard enough, etc)...." That isn't what YOU think.

So, Maria, try this: Ask yourself if YOU are satisfied with your school efforts. Be honest. If "yes", then let go of the outcome with confidence that you've done all you could. If the answer is truly "yes", this part probably won't be difficult. If it is, then i suggest that there is a lesson in the disappointment. If you find you haven't handled it the way you really would have liked, think about who you want to BE in the situation NOW. When you look back, how do you want to think about how you handled it? Don't think about outcome, again, but think about actions you can be satisfied with. How could you handle the situation with elegance and poise? What words would you use to describe what we could physically see? And if you experience disappointment, how would you handle that with grace? Again, what would the outside world see and hear?

These questions help each of us to be sure about our own actions and settled, regardless of the results. Isn't that what self-confidence is about--to feel okay in your own skin and life when others may not?

Also, if you are a person of faith, remember to include what God thinks as part of your thinking. (And if you're not a person of faith, it might be worth looking into).

I hope--pray--this helps you as much as it helped me. It transformed my life.

May 23, 2011

Confidence comes from many places. Choose wisely
by: Eunice

I thought about your question for a while and I've realized that confidence comes from many places. If your confidence comes from professional expectations, that is quite the pressure you have put yourself under. While you continue to work hard at university and not give up, try to focus on other areas that give you confidence without "performance". That way, you will be confident consistently rather than have your precious self confidence vulnerable to factors that you sometimes have no control over.

That is...it is better to have a self confidence because of who you are and not because of what you can do. Of course the latter is not wrong but it should be secondary.

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How do I build an Elegant self-confidence?

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