Granddaughters' weddings and the proper way for the biological grandmother and the ex's wife's roles.

by Sandi
(Dallas)

My twin granddaughters are both engaged and will marry in separate BIG & fancy ceremonies in the spring of 2011. The problem is ME and our family situation. Here it is:

My first husband is the biological grandfather as I am the biological grandmother. We have never been on good terms and have both remarried twice since the divorce in 1977. Both of us are currently married. While the girls call my husband by his first name, the girls call my ex's wife and grandma ____ . At the wedding how should I expect this to be handled.

I don't want to be at a wedding where my ex's wife and me are regarded as having the same role. I would be embarassed to have her regarded as the girls' grandmother while that is my role and not hers. What is the correct way for this to be handled . . . at the many showers, at the parties and especially and the gatherings before, after and during the wedding ceremony.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I desperately need your advice before this becomes something that could possibly divide the family forever.