Condolences on first meeting?

by Lesley
(Wilmington)

Dear Miss Manners,

My husband has a friend, “Joan,” who recently moved back to town. They are not very close, more part of a larger circle of friends, and I have not yet met her. Recently other friends arranged for a group of us to go out to dinner; however, Joan’s father passed away about a week before dinner and she cancelled. As I mentioned, my husband is not a very close friend, so he only heard about it after the funeral from mutual friends, and this was in the context of dinner being cancelled. My husband didn’t feel comfortable making any gesture at this point, and I didn’t either as we have not yet met. The friends are planning to reschedule this dinner at a later date when Joan feels up to it.

My question is this: Is it appropriate for me to offer condolences the first time I am meeting Joan? I am not sure I would want someone to bring it up to me if I went out to enjoy a light-hearted evening, not to mention the first time we were meeting. Yet, because it was the reason dinner was cancelled before, it is also obvious that I know and seems rude not to say anything. I feel either option could make her uncomfortable, and I am not sure how to handle this.