How to be Exquisite
Many people try to improve their manners by reading etiquette books.
But do you know that etiquette and manners are not the same?
I remember learning about manners in school, but mostly what I knew was from watching the way my parents behave, and my aunt, whom I lived with for a while.
All I can say is, they mean well and have such big hearts, but there were certainly things that they FORGOT to tell me!
I think both the desire to improve and be a well-mannered person is a beautiful thing. By doing so, we are acting in love. Love is kind, patient … because we are thinking about others before ourselves. This way we prevent annoyances and misunderstandings from happening. We do not impose on others. Thus living this way makes our world a better place.
Why You Should Pay Attention To Your Manners
I loved the manners of Linda & Cole
Porter in the movie Delovely
Now, the most important thing is really…understanding why it is important to establish beautiful manners.
Have you met someone you really liked?
She (or he) most probably had the most beautiful manners and she made you feel at ease. She was a lady.
**Therefore it is true that Her Manners are the greatest test of her elegance and refinement.
Manners are wonderful to have. It makes a person beautiful.
Manners are love, they are kindness and are a source of refinement. I enjoy being in the presence of a family where everyone speaks kindly to each other.
What Are Your Manners Saying About You?
Do you know that your manners ‘speak’ and are quite telling?
Our manners say much more about us than we realize.
- They tell other people who you are.
- How you were brought up.
- What kind of family you have.
- Your social economic status (or matter-of-factly, class)
- Your level of education.
- The extent of your reading, traveling experiences
- What kind of person you are.
- What do you think about all the time (are you a self-absorbed narcissist? Or are you considerate of the other person)?
- Your level of self control, the way you handle conflict, what is it like to live with you…amongst other things
Secret Benefits of Having Manners
They support your image
Here is a little secret of having unsually refined manners.
Despite your insecurities, you can rise above it. With your manners, you can appear confident and intelligent, sophisticated and caring. You’ll be able to communicate a better sense of yourself and people will just admire/respect you.
Where you come from or how much money you have in your bank WON’T MATTER.
I love this quote by J.K Rowling
“It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities” – J. K. Rowling
In other words, when you have fine manners, you can get closet to your dream of being who you want to be. With your manners, people won’t doubt you. They might not even have a clue about lack of your education, wealth or whatever else that makes you feel insecure. They might even think way off!
There are times we feel we aren’t good enough. We believe we aren’t educated enough, sophisticated enough, or we are embarrassed of your family’s lack of resources. We didn’t go to the right schools or hang out with the right people too.
Despite all the above, you can rise beyond this WITH the best, most beautiful, exquisite manners. That’s Manners’ little secret.
People probably assume you were educated at top schools. They’ll like to be around you because of the way you make them feel. They’ll feel impressed by and maybe even secretly admire you.
If one day, you get ‘found out’, you’ll realize that it no longer matters because you have assimilated. You’ve become one of them. You’re friends now with people you like and choose to be friends with.
At the end of the day, we are not interested in people who do not like us. We want to find friends of similar tastes and goals.
Whatever your social circle is, everyone likes someone who have manners. They like you. They want to be around you. They warm up to you. They think you’re great.
You’ve become classy.
Manners are kindness. And people respond to kindness.
Speaking kindly to someone regardless, is a show of mutual respect or the recognition that we are all the same.
When you communicate with manners, you’ve considered the other person’s thoughts and feelings. That is kindness.
Manners are NOT Etiquette
Audrey looking lovely.
The truth about manners …manners are etiquette not the same.
Manners are the result of a kind heart.
Etiquette is an orderly way of doing things and a customary code of conduct of good behavior.
Etiquette is like the Law but it is not the law.
Have you ever tried reading etiquette books?
In general, etiquette are a list of (almost boring) rules. While some are helpful, they can get quite ridiculous. It is simply impossibly to remember all of them.
Manners, on the other hand, are a result of graciousness. Having manners is a sure tell-tale sign.
An elegant person, despite wearing a pretty dress, poised, looking gorgeous, falls fast from elegance when her face turns sour as she complains about everything.
How to Have Both Manners and Etiquette
If you have manners first, etiquette will follow. Etiquette are well-thought of rules that present an orderly way of doing things, as well as the most considerate, conflict-avoiding way.
Don’t Get Offended By The Lack Of Manners
Having manners is also about putting up with the lack of it in other people.
It’s easy to get offended when you’ve put in considerable effort in your manners but it seems that other people have not.
It is also tempting to dismiss that person with “she’s so rude!”. Then proceed to the next person to complain to her about her rudeness for the next half hour.
Remember this: Try not to get offended but see past the offense. It could be that she/he is from a different culture? Maybe that was the way he/she has been brought up.
Firstly, the harsh expression on your face is not exactly becoming. Secondly, we’ll still be gracious in spite of. Most people have good intentions but do not realize their mistakes.
Always try to be patient and see others in the best light. God helps us with His grace! Of course that doesn’t mean you should be a doormat and continue to let others be rude to you. I’m just saying use your discretion and not to be quick to dismiss people.
I thought this book 365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games, Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help Children and Teens Learn Etiquettewas such a great way for everyone to learn about manners. It doesn’t matter that I’m not a teen anymore.
This book Manners by Kate Spade has beautiful pictures and it feels more like a coffee table book. (Yes, it is actually one of my coffee table books.) It is very pretty and grown up looking.
Manners By Michele: Table Manners Plus How to Receive Guests and How to be Received as a Guest is a DVD for those who prefer to watch! The video quality is not that great but it is pretty useful. A little formal for our times especially when fine dining restaurants are increasingly…casual.
Broadwell’s Elegant Etiquette for Today’s Child & Adult (2010) looks good too.
Manners for the Real World: Basic Social Skills demonstrates how to act during some of the most common interactions between people.
It features demonstrations of appropriate and inappropriate behavior
This program covers personal hygiene, conversations, introductions, table manners, manners in public, behavior for ladies and gentlemen, serving as a host, being a guest, as well as telephones, texting and Internet use.