Instagram

“… Elegantwoman.org on Instagram! Follow @elegantwomanorg or #elegantwomanorg

I thought it would be a great way to connect with everyone.

An Elegant Woman in Conversation

Hi everyone,

I came across this article a long time ago and archived it in my notes. I think it is quite an important article for us. It is about the 10 phrases we should avoid using in conversation.

To make things easier, I’ve edited and reproduced it for you here. Read below and see if you agree with them. I’m most guilty of Number ONE!

And oh, I would like to add the 11th phrase (that we should avoid using) and it is, “You look tired.” Though I know it is out of concern, how does one expect me/you/anyone to respond to that?

Enjoy! – Eunice

10 phrases that we should avoid using in conversation

Just because people have problems doesn’t automatically mean they want solutions .

1.“If I were you…”

If you use this phrase, it makes it seem as if you’re so much smarter and wiser than the other person. No one likes to feel dumb.

2. “I understand how you feel…”

Even if you’ve gone through a similar misfortune or ordeal, you don’t know exactly how the other person feels.

3. “This is a valuable life lesson…”

When others are experiencing sadness, pain or frustration, they don’t want to be told about all the wonderful life lessons there are to be learned, especially not at the moment of their greatest distress.

4. “I told you so…”

All of us make mistakes, so don’t let your sense of self-righteousness or pride tempt you into saying this.

5. “Here’s how you can solve your problem…”

Unless someone specifically asks for your advice, don’t give him or her your two cents’ worth. And even when people ask for your advice, they’re typically just seeking validation for what they’ve already decided to do.

6. “Relax…”

It’s natural to say this to someone who has lost his or her temper, but using this phrase makes it seem as though that person had no right to become upset in the first place, which is upsetting in itself. Emotions aren’t right or wrong. Emotions just need to be managed, but telling someone to relax almost denies the legitimacy of those emotions.

7. “Calm down…” Same reasoning as #6.

8. “Can I pick your brain about… ?” When you say this, it’s as if you just want to make use of the other person and extract as much information as possible from him or her. This phrase indicates that you aren’t seeing the other person as a person. Instead, you’re seeing him or her merely as a path to take you to where you want to go. No one likes to feel as if they’re being made use of.

9. “No offense, but…” What usually follows this phrase is unsolicited negative feedback.

When we say “No offense, but…” it’s typically because we feel a strong urge to express our opinion, and not so much because we genuinely care about the other person and his or her emotions.

10. “You don’t have to feel that way…”

As such, when we tell others that they don’t have to feel a certain way, we invalidate their emotions. In an indirect way, we’re telling them that their feelings don’t matter.

In closing… In any conversation, it’s not what you say that matters; it’s what people hear. We don’t just hear words. We experience them—through the lens of our past experiences, our biases, our mood, and our insecurities.

Source of the article is on Yahoo news Singapore.

If you want to share this important article with your friends and family, cut and paste this link: http://www.elegantwoman.org/Elegant_Lessons-elegantletters-42.html

(I’m sorry I don’t have all the sophisticated share buttons on this page).

Thanks, have a good day, and I’m looking forward to seeing all of you on Instagram! 🙂

writing to you at 130 am here,

eunices signature

Thank you for reading ‘Elegant Letters Issue 42’!

Go back to The Elegant Woman.

promo-image